One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
