i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
