What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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