did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize