um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
