Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize