Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
