wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
