I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
