I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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