im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
