im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
