the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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