i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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