So drunk its hurt
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
