Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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