Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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