You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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