i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
