Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
