my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
