how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
