we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
a search helicopter?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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