Where did you get a picture of my penis
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
