we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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