??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
