I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
