you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
