thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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