tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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