Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
