Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
