Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize