you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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