I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
