just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
