i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize