why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
