Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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