I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize