I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
