Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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