yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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