you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
