You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
