Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
