Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
