I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What a dumb baby whore.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
