He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
