Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
