Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
