using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
