Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I cut my penus on the lid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
