"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize