It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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