Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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