I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize