yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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