Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize