I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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