i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
