do herpes really smell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
