he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
