im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think i just lost a toe
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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