I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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