That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
