Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
