Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
