im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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