: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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