That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
