Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
